Breathing is a funny thing, you can take short quick breaths or long deep ones or even ones in between but ultimately you must breath. Now there has been a lot of upset in my life and I am hoping against the odds that life is simply tilling the ground to plant new and better things than what grew there before. My life stays in a state of constant flux, and I never feel settled, it is very stressful actually and when I get small thing figured out something else is added to my pile.
I feel like my life has taken a sharp painful breath and is holding it for a second before letting it all out and I feel that there is a direction this is all taking I just hope im taking all the right hints. I am terrified, to be honest so much has changed so quickly and it seems like so many more changes are headed my way I really just want them to be over before some real damage is done and I lose someone I love.
I don't know why but when I find something or someone or something to do that I enjoy I want to remain in that initial moment of enjoyment forever. And so when I can get a large amount of something I enjoy I do and get my fill of what makes me happy usually until I cant stand the sight of it. Its a vicious cycle but a important part of it is having surplus just in case something happens and you cant get anymore, then you will have some stored away just in case something bad happens.
Its crazy I know but its the way I am and how I get over things, sometimes but there are a few things that have stuck around my kink and fiance are the top 2 although there is a few more on the list. I would like for things to become resolved and settled, I don't care how or why just taken care of, everything is almost in limbo and its driving me crazy because I cant do anything but distract myself until something changes.
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