Rollercoaster Ride

Life has been a roller coaster albeit a particularly high one a roller-coaster none the less. We never heard from the guy who lived at the house my daddy finally sold and we paid off all our credit cards and have over a 1000 put away for gas and hotels also. Today we planned out the route and I have been feeling horrible lately due to having a infection that im taking strong antibacterial meds for and possibly being close to starting my period which I am not looking forwards to either. I also made a list of what needs to be done to get my daddy car sold and a new one bought so like I said some good thing happen. I however always feel bad, my health is slowly getting worse and the depression is always just waiting for me to fall apart to permeate every inch of my being. I had my two good friends recently have a bump and that added to my stress a little, but not seeing them in forever gives me a weird prospective too. On a upwards note WA feels real, we decided on Vancouver area since we have not only lived there before but know that we can get by there for sure no problem. I finished a book I grabbed from dollar tree which was actually quite sad and depressing and ended rather abruptly, rather like a can of worms you know cant be good but is so much worse than you expected and that certainly doesn't help things. I dont know what daddy thinks of me, the medicine I take makes me nauseates and the pot makes me feel better but makes me more blunt and considerably more quite as well. I got my bamboo cut and im glad not sure what to do about it now honestly im not quite up to tying with it since I am so out of practice as well. I intend to get back to reading about rope soon too right after I finish my book that im reading along with so many other lovely ladies called dietland and its been interesting to say the least so far, it still feels like im looking through a twisted lens not just at the book but at life like everything is just off some how. I cant place or really explain it but it bothers me. I am sick of being unwell I cant wait to get help and get better whatever that means. I want to work on anal training and sexy time and play but all my body and mind does is betray me and make it possible to enjoy the one thing that works best and thats sex. I find all I want is gentle touches and lots of love, I feel as though I am about to break into a million pieces at just the slightest provocation and then right there waiting is my worst nightmare - my depression will resume where it left off slowly destroying my life.

Meet My Stuffie: Pooky & Lucky

Meet My Stuffie: Cordelia & CottonTail

All Waxed Out

I recently ordered some rope and wax from karma rope, I got 8m pieces of both 5 & 6mm hemp and jute rope and waxed and baked them today and integrated them into my rope collection. It was tiring work to say the least but the rope turned out great in my opinion and I love how hemp rope smells and im excited to work with the texture jute provides :) My Hitachi wand is coming in today and im pretty excited and trying to stay up until it arrives and them masturbate and doze off but I am super full & sleepy so we will see. I also took a picture of the rope and the newest book I have attained which I am beyond excited to try out some of the ideas especially for the predicament bondage portion of our open rope. With tired arms and a full tummy I write this post, I am looking forwards to the weekend my daddy is off and we arnt able to make it to the kinky party in LC but we will have a good amount of time together to cuddle and snuggle and fuck and such :) Enjoy this picture ;)

Update & Meet My Stuffie: Winnie The Pooh

Update:  

First off I got Jammies (Squee!) they were little mermaid,minions & pooh bear and im so excited :) Also my Hitachi wand is on its way and should arrive Friday and im pretty happy about that as well. Lastly but most importantly me and daddy not only cuddled and he finger fucked me but we also made out and fucked too and it was great ;) as always im so spoiled. On a sadder note we have a visitation tonight for a good friend of my daddy's and I hope we can help him, on another note my hair is fading rather quickly which I expected so its almost pastel like I originally planned it will be interesting to see what it fades to next..... 

Bondage Stuffies :)

Enjoy :P 

Meet My Stuffie: Lola & Update

First off I want to say a few words about my stuffie Lola as she holds a very special place among my stuffies. I received her for my birthday this year but not only did I get to build her with my daddy at Build-A-Bear but he also put a recording of himself saying "Good Girl" in her paw as well and so I can always hear his voice and be reassured even if he isnt with me right that second and that means the world to me. 

 

Update: I am one tired little, me and my daddy had a nice long, heartfelt talk and cleared some stuff up and made progress on other things and learned a little more about each other so I would say it went well but my favorite part was the ending ;) 

We not only played but we fucked and we had a beautiful sense of love and intimacy through out the entire experience. I was also reassured that my daddy, not only likes being my daddy but enjoys being my top and lover as well and those are always things I worry about. Now onto what happened - it started with teasing and then he used the clover clamps on my poor nipples (they are still sore - yay!) but not before making be fill my ass with my favorite butt plug that vibrates while looking him in the eye which was super sexy and humiliating. He also chocked me and mocked me which was fun as well and allowed me to worship his cock but he also  tenderly kissed me and caressed my body and assured me that he loved and cherished every inch of me. It was a wonderful experience and it also happened I have recently bought a new rope book and received some new rope that same day as well (Squee!). But the time with my daddy was the highlight and will always be the best part of my day. Incidentally I slept well last night and got up early and did some shopping and chores as well and I will be taking a shower after this and then nap time for me (right after I masturbate!). I might have plans this evening and I also managed to tie and photography almost all my lovely stuffies as to get a small rope fix as well. I did not realize how full yesterday was and with so many good things happening no wonder I slept so well. Lastly I have a Hitachi Wand on its way I have been without one for about 6 monthes and will never do so again I miss the ease of the orgasms and the frequency it was great and I only paid about 27$ via Ebay too! 

I will be posting the Bondage Stuffie Photo Shoot shortly After this. 

xoxo

 

Meet My Stuffie: Violet

I have a special love for violet as she feels so very little to me, she is very pastel and sparkly as well as soft and cute which are some deadly combos. She also represents my love of the snow and cold weather in general and the hope that Oregon will be much colder than Texas is. 

Self-(ie) Love

Now I know there is a lot of negative crap associated with selfies and until about 6 months ago when I discovered my own self confidence and self esteem I really didn't even try to take any and openly scoffed at those who did. Now I am not saying they are all good or even all bad I just want to explain why I take selfies and why I share them and why they are so important to my journey to keep loving myself as much as I love others.

I have bad days too, days where I cant find anything either external or internal about myself that I like and those are hard days and then there are days when I own the world and I love everything about myself. When those days come I want to document them for when I cant see my beauty in the way my eyes sparkle or when my dimple shows, or I smile and you can see how truly happy I am (examples provided by my daddy's observations). I want to have them to uplift me on the days when I cant see a way to even think about looking up. I also want to document how I change to remind myself to stay true to my happiness and the happiness of those I love first and foremost no matter what that looks like. Purple and Magenta Mohawk included :) I also feel normal like for one second I have something in common with the rest of my generation and I wont lie that's a nice feeling too but the other reasons are the heart of the matter. So in honor of those thoughts here are my newest selfies.

Inside Out

Sometimes my inner dialogue with myself is quite helpful and at other times like now it just makes things even more complicated. Now for a little back story I have many good qualities however I am about to highlight a few of my lesser qualities but I do this not out of dislike for myself but to provide an accurate backstory to my readers. Now when me and my fiance had met it was via a fetish website and then we fell in love but throughout that we tried to kink and at times it was spectacular and more often than not my obsessive nature made it into a chore which went badly. Now it wasn't a matter of me constantly asking it was more like me obsessing every day and when I couldn't play or get the feedback I needed to continue I would fall apart and make it this big ordeal and never for one second considered the damage I was doing. Another aspect was that me and my fiance approach our sexuality and how we express both our needs and ideas very differently and that created some misunderstanding as well. Long story short it caused a lot of fights and negativity and ultimately we have abandoned our original roles (I am not complaining) but it might would have gone smoother and been an easier ending if I would have taken it easy.

Anywhoo we had a sexy time gone wrong the other night and it put me in a weird but familiar headspace and I realized I had made just regular, yummy sexy time into a chore and instead of it being natural and organic it was forced because my fiance wants to make sure all my needs are met and im happy but it is not when or how he would do it. Now there are always other factors involved and headspace for both of us was off and it was no ones fault but afterwards when we were cuddling I was faced with the dilemma of, I am still horny but would it be rude, selfish and/or hurtful to ask for orgasms? And so I kept quite and just kept my feelings and such to myself and tried to turn my physical response to my daddy off. Now I spoke to him earlier about this particular dilemma and he assured me if I would have asked then he would have been happy to give me orgasms but I never asked instead I pouted and I truly regret the way I handled the situation.

Now tonight I had stayed up till about 1pm and then went to sleep until about 7pm (I know weird hours right?) but eventually after playing and spending time together I as usual wanted sexy time but instead of verbalizing my needs like an adult and understanding that it might take a moment but my daddy will take care of them when he can and sees fit. I once again took the high road and pouted and while holding all those feelings in I was struck with how familiar this feeling was and was forced to ask myself. Am I doing this to myself? and if so Am I making myself into the victim and even behaving selfishly and possibly risking ruining one of the important parts of a healthy relationship? and so after having that conversation with myself I realized it is possible and so I need to be more aware and adult like with the way I deal with my emotions and such.

I did speak up and I got my orgasms and I was quite happy and wore my daddy's arm out. Ultimately I am glad I have cultivated an inner dialogue and I am also glad to see there are some things about myself I can improve without hurting anyone I love beyond repair before realizing what I am doing that is not fair or caring.

On another note I had open rope today and had even made cupcakes and than everyone canceled and I did not go. I am still very sad about it, I miss rope very much and will have to find someone to tie more often because this is not working for me whatsoever. Plus I will be missing rope next week as well so for the entire month of July I will not have attending a single open rope and that breaks my heart. My very soul longs for the magic of my creativity combined with rope and a willing canvas and the journey we all take as everything falls into place and the world as we know it ceases to exist.

Meet My Stuffie: AnnaBell

 

AnnaBell is very near and dear to my heart and plays a huge role in my world of all things little. 

I will be getting her a ribbon for around her neck soon and I will upload pics then :) 

Update: New Hair Bitches :)

I got my hair cut and colored yesterday and so i am posting this picture for all my reader to see and I will be documenting how it looks as it fades over time as well :)

Meet My Stuffie: Humbert G.F.

This is the beginning of a series that will last a little over a week and will allow my readers to meet and get a few nuggets of info on my stuffies. My stuffies are very important to me they make me feel little, and loved and represent various sides to my personality or moments in my life and/or childhood that meant a lot to me.

Boredom

I got bored and got some cute pics :) 

Here they are ...

Mission -BJ- Complete

This is another daddy themed writing and there will be many more to come so I wont bother to apologize. What's the mission you ask? well to give my daddy a great BJ that ends with him coming and me swallowing. I will start from the beginning....

When me and my fiance got together he had mentioned that he was good at giving head (he is) and also that his ex never returned the favor she apparently was not a fan of BJ's. Now this I did not understand because I have a HUGE oral fixation and BJ's are one of my favorite things to do, period. Anywhere, any place and anytime they are beyond sexy and just so much fun :)

Well I discovered very quickly that my sexy man also took a minute to cum and that I would need some endurance to get him to cum using my mouth which was a challenge I happily accepted. This same challenge applied to hand jobs as well although I mastered those fairly quickly, anyway I am proud to say I successfully aroused and completed a wonderful BJ  for my daddy and he enjoyed it so much I was positively glowing. Now this is literally the highlight of the evening simply because I feel like I ask for so much sexually and never get to return the favor. Also I am on my period and thats a crappy time for me but it has been a while since we have had sexy time and the sounds he makes alone makes the entire experience worth it, although how impressed and happy he was afterwards was additional motivation to do more spontaneous oral surprises :) I also surprised myself, I had honestly not even thought about what if I couldn't make him cum and such I just went for it, I was horny and his cock was hard, it was quite primal and yummy for sure.

I have also while on that vein decided I would like to focus more seriously on my anal training as we still have not gotten me stretched out enough to successfully have anal sex, but I think my better pain tolerance combined with some for thought could make it a reality. I also think that the fact I have such an anal fetish combined with our current dynamic will make for some mind blowing sexy time as well. The though also came to me that if I could take anal then we would be able to have sex while I was on my period as well which is just another benefit of butt fucking.

I also got a new nighty and a new doll (Ever After High) which was nice as well :)

Song for the evening: Selena Gomez - Good for you

I am obsessed with this song, its so sexy her voice is so smoky and enticing :)

YouTube Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp0hWIO8DiU

Enjoy