Music Review & Update

I want to begin by doing a quick review of Breaking Benjamin's new album. I have been listening to there music for about 7+ years now and I have loved everything they have made up to date and was heart broken to learn they had broken up prior to this albums release. I am definitely glad they made another album and its definitely there sound, and its great. What I love about Breaking Benjamin's songs is that you can mindlessly listen to there music and it makes great background noise while doing things like reading manga. However if you listen closely and repetitively then you hear the words and details in the songs and they become even more impressive. There new album called Dark before Dawn has been officially released and is getting some great reviews from some pretty awesome people as well, and I wish the band nothing but the best and will be keeping my ear to the ground for tour dates :)

Update: Its been a crazy 48 hours, My fiance lost his job which while its not a bad thing was unexpected but I feel like this will lead to something better so I am honestly not worried even a little. He has scheduled 2 interviews since then and looked into one job lead as well and im sure it will work out :) I have been dealing with depression and panic attacks rather unsuccessfully until now, I went to a doctor and got my under active thyroid fixed and I am also seeing a therapist which is making a huge difference as well :) I will also be seeing a psychiatrist soon too to manage the last remaining issue which is my depression. Since I have been so busy and haven't been tired due to the thyroid medication it almost seems the depression is gone but when I stop for just a second I can feel its still there and all I want is for it to go away :( anyway things are getting better made the first step into hopefully getting a great low income apartment and hopefully that will pan out and will be getting my ability to have a baby tested soon too and then we can possibly eliminate many issues with me. Like I said all in all its really going well and I am quite blessed. I recently dyed my hair deep red and I love it, combined with my meds it has contributed to my prospective thats things are going swimmingly :) Anyway enjoy these updated pics of me with my new hair, I haven't gotten a good pic with the color yet so here is the best I got :) 

Red Light, Green Light

It all began because my daddy has a tendency to tease me constantly and ensure I stay even more horny and needy than I already am. So I have discovered if I can get the area of me I want stimulated near his hands he will usually play with it, maybe not quite the way I want but hey something is better than nothing. 

 So on this evening I am ridiculously horny because he had teased me that morning before going into work and had promised me orgasms when he got home. Well long story short when he got home shortly after dinner he fell asleep so here I am over 24 hours later and he teases me yet again and then goes off to work with more promises of orgasms later but only if i am a good girl (which I never am, but hey whats the fun in that :P ). So here we are, me going crazy and him having just got home from work, I gave him some down time but eventually I just couldn't wait anymore so I positioned my pussy within reach of his hands while we were watching TV hoping to get relief of some kind. Well I got none, he teased me mercilessly for about a half of an hour that felt like forever. 

Next he had me get the dildo on a stick and get into the position I wanted to be fucked in, so I chose my favorite which is doggy style and was fully prepared to just lay there and get fucked like I usually do but this time was different.

He was sitting behind me and welding the very thing I needed to achieve the release I had been dreaming about for almost 48 hours at this point. And of course I should have known  that it wouldn't be easy but still amazing as he always is. He began by making me grind on my dildo getting myself close to an orgasm while enjoying the view and saying wonderfully dirty and humiliating things. I am dripping at this point and still have yet to achieve an actual orgasm when he introduces the rules of green light, red light and they are as follows....

 

Green I hump and grind away and Red I stop, but it was always just short of the sweet release and I was just starting to get a little tired when he allowed me to hump and grind until I came but only upon his command. And so like the good girl I can be I waited and asked when I was close he had me hold it and keep humping until he was ready and then when I could come he began brutally fucking my pussy with the dildo adding more and more orgasms on top of each other. I was quite amazing and my pussy still gets wet recounting and reliving it for this post :)

I came much more than just one group of orgasms, he fucked me until I could barely even move and then after I was exhausted and worn down I finally let go and allowed the whole experience to be cathartic as well as physical and snuggled in my daddy's arms and cried my eyes out until I felt all was well, he held me and whispered sweet nothings until I was okay and then got me drink and anything else I needed for my aftercare like he always does. 

I want to take a moment to say how grateful I am for my fiance, lover and best friend but most important of all my soul mate and my daddy who gives me everything I need, and want at times :) 

I am truly a lucky girl and I am so grateful, words cannot express the depth and intensity of my love and appreciating for the man who has made me such a better person and my life so much happier :)

Collages :)

I recently downloaded an application for my phone that takes the pictures form my gallery and allows me to design collages with them :) Its an fun app to say the least and below are my first 5 collages Ive made :)

Thank you daddy :)

The evening began with me giving my daddy a wonderful BJ and making me super horny and my pussy so wet and from there this story began....

"I can put you into subspace easily" my daddy flippantly tells me, knowing how I will respond. True to character I respond with outrage not because I doubt his ability but rather curiosity about his methods and knowledge of my innermost fantasy's. Well he passed with flying colors of course but the method he used was most impressive and left quite a mark on my memory of the evening and provide many hours of masturbation material :) He began by hurting me and graduated to choking me which at times can send me into sub space all alone but I was fighting to remain aware and let him know he had not quite won. I was fighting hard and right when I think I may have a glimmer of hope he goes and says "arnt you going to say thank you daddy?" and just like that he won the war and if I had died shortly, I would have dies the happiest girl alive :) He held me so close and through my haze happiness I heard his heartbeat whispering my name and the abundance of his love for me.

We also fucked later that night and right before he buried his wonderful cock into my dripping pussy he has me say "thank you daddy" again and chocked me to another orgasm as well :)

Meet My Stuffie: Dugan Jr. & Group Picture

Rollercoaster Ride

Life has been a roller coaster albeit a particularly high one a roller-coaster none the less. We never heard from the guy who lived at the house my daddy finally sold and we paid off all our credit cards and have over a 1000 put away for gas and hotels also. Today we planned out the route and I have been feeling horrible lately due to having a infection that im taking strong antibacterial meds for and possibly being close to starting my period which I am not looking forwards to either. I also made a list of what needs to be done to get my daddy car sold and a new one bought so like I said some good thing happen. I however always feel bad, my health is slowly getting worse and the depression is always just waiting for me to fall apart to permeate every inch of my being. I had my two good friends recently have a bump and that added to my stress a little, but not seeing them in forever gives me a weird prospective too. On a upwards note WA feels real, we decided on Vancouver area since we have not only lived there before but know that we can get by there for sure no problem. I finished a book I grabbed from dollar tree which was actually quite sad and depressing and ended rather abruptly, rather like a can of worms you know cant be good but is so much worse than you expected and that certainly doesn't help things. I dont know what daddy thinks of me, the medicine I take makes me nauseates and the pot makes me feel better but makes me more blunt and considerably more quite as well. I got my bamboo cut and im glad not sure what to do about it now honestly im not quite up to tying with it since I am so out of practice as well. I intend to get back to reading about rope soon too right after I finish my book that im reading along with so many other lovely ladies called dietland and its been interesting to say the least so far, it still feels like im looking through a twisted lens not just at the book but at life like everything is just off some how. I cant place or really explain it but it bothers me. I am sick of being unwell I cant wait to get help and get better whatever that means. I want to work on anal training and sexy time and play but all my body and mind does is betray me and make it possible to enjoy the one thing that works best and thats sex. I find all I want is gentle touches and lots of love, I feel as though I am about to break into a million pieces at just the slightest provocation and then right there waiting is my worst nightmare - my depression will resume where it left off slowly destroying my life.

Meet My Stuffie: Pooky & Lucky

Meet My Stuffie: Cordelia & CottonTail

All Waxed Out

I recently ordered some rope and wax from karma rope, I got 8m pieces of both 5 & 6mm hemp and jute rope and waxed and baked them today and integrated them into my rope collection. It was tiring work to say the least but the rope turned out great in my opinion and I love how hemp rope smells and im excited to work with the texture jute provides :) My Hitachi wand is coming in today and im pretty excited and trying to stay up until it arrives and them masturbate and doze off but I am super full & sleepy so we will see. I also took a picture of the rope and the newest book I have attained which I am beyond excited to try out some of the ideas especially for the predicament bondage portion of our open rope. With tired arms and a full tummy I write this post, I am looking forwards to the weekend my daddy is off and we arnt able to make it to the kinky party in LC but we will have a good amount of time together to cuddle and snuggle and fuck and such :) Enjoy this picture ;)

Update & Meet My Stuffie: Winnie The Pooh

Update:  

First off I got Jammies (Squee!) they were little mermaid,minions & pooh bear and im so excited :) Also my Hitachi wand is on its way and should arrive Friday and im pretty happy about that as well. Lastly but most importantly me and daddy not only cuddled and he finger fucked me but we also made out and fucked too and it was great ;) as always im so spoiled. On a sadder note we have a visitation tonight for a good friend of my daddy's and I hope we can help him, on another note my hair is fading rather quickly which I expected so its almost pastel like I originally planned it will be interesting to see what it fades to next..... 

Bondage Stuffies :)

Enjoy :P 

Meet My Stuffie: Lola & Update

First off I want to say a few words about my stuffie Lola as she holds a very special place among my stuffies. I received her for my birthday this year but not only did I get to build her with my daddy at Build-A-Bear but he also put a recording of himself saying "Good Girl" in her paw as well and so I can always hear his voice and be reassured even if he isnt with me right that second and that means the world to me. 

 

Update: I am one tired little, me and my daddy had a nice long, heartfelt talk and cleared some stuff up and made progress on other things and learned a little more about each other so I would say it went well but my favorite part was the ending ;) 

We not only played but we fucked and we had a beautiful sense of love and intimacy through out the entire experience. I was also reassured that my daddy, not only likes being my daddy but enjoys being my top and lover as well and those are always things I worry about. Now onto what happened - it started with teasing and then he used the clover clamps on my poor nipples (they are still sore - yay!) but not before making be fill my ass with my favorite butt plug that vibrates while looking him in the eye which was super sexy and humiliating. He also chocked me and mocked me which was fun as well and allowed me to worship his cock but he also  tenderly kissed me and caressed my body and assured me that he loved and cherished every inch of me. It was a wonderful experience and it also happened I have recently bought a new rope book and received some new rope that same day as well (Squee!). But the time with my daddy was the highlight and will always be the best part of my day. Incidentally I slept well last night and got up early and did some shopping and chores as well and I will be taking a shower after this and then nap time for me (right after I masturbate!). I might have plans this evening and I also managed to tie and photography almost all my lovely stuffies as to get a small rope fix as well. I did not realize how full yesterday was and with so many good things happening no wonder I slept so well. Lastly I have a Hitachi Wand on its way I have been without one for about 6 monthes and will never do so again I miss the ease of the orgasms and the frequency it was great and I only paid about 27$ via Ebay too! 

I will be posting the Bondage Stuffie Photo Shoot shortly After this. 

xoxo

 

Meet My Stuffie: Violet

I have a special love for violet as she feels so very little to me, she is very pastel and sparkly as well as soft and cute which are some deadly combos. She also represents my love of the snow and cold weather in general and the hope that Oregon will be much colder than Texas is. 

Self-(ie) Love

Now I know there is a lot of negative crap associated with selfies and until about 6 months ago when I discovered my own self confidence and self esteem I really didn't even try to take any and openly scoffed at those who did. Now I am not saying they are all good or even all bad I just want to explain why I take selfies and why I share them and why they are so important to my journey to keep loving myself as much as I love others.

I have bad days too, days where I cant find anything either external or internal about myself that I like and those are hard days and then there are days when I own the world and I love everything about myself. When those days come I want to document them for when I cant see my beauty in the way my eyes sparkle or when my dimple shows, or I smile and you can see how truly happy I am (examples provided by my daddy's observations). I want to have them to uplift me on the days when I cant see a way to even think about looking up. I also want to document how I change to remind myself to stay true to my happiness and the happiness of those I love first and foremost no matter what that looks like. Purple and Magenta Mohawk included :) I also feel normal like for one second I have something in common with the rest of my generation and I wont lie that's a nice feeling too but the other reasons are the heart of the matter. So in honor of those thoughts here are my newest selfies.

Inside Out

Sometimes my inner dialogue with myself is quite helpful and at other times like now it just makes things even more complicated. Now for a little back story I have many good qualities however I am about to highlight a few of my lesser qualities but I do this not out of dislike for myself but to provide an accurate backstory to my readers. Now when me and my fiance had met it was via a fetish website and then we fell in love but throughout that we tried to kink and at times it was spectacular and more often than not my obsessive nature made it into a chore which went badly. Now it wasn't a matter of me constantly asking it was more like me obsessing every day and when I couldn't play or get the feedback I needed to continue I would fall apart and make it this big ordeal and never for one second considered the damage I was doing. Another aspect was that me and my fiance approach our sexuality and how we express both our needs and ideas very differently and that created some misunderstanding as well. Long story short it caused a lot of fights and negativity and ultimately we have abandoned our original roles (I am not complaining) but it might would have gone smoother and been an easier ending if I would have taken it easy.

Anywhoo we had a sexy time gone wrong the other night and it put me in a weird but familiar headspace and I realized I had made just regular, yummy sexy time into a chore and instead of it being natural and organic it was forced because my fiance wants to make sure all my needs are met and im happy but it is not when or how he would do it. Now there are always other factors involved and headspace for both of us was off and it was no ones fault but afterwards when we were cuddling I was faced with the dilemma of, I am still horny but would it be rude, selfish and/or hurtful to ask for orgasms? And so I kept quite and just kept my feelings and such to myself and tried to turn my physical response to my daddy off. Now I spoke to him earlier about this particular dilemma and he assured me if I would have asked then he would have been happy to give me orgasms but I never asked instead I pouted and I truly regret the way I handled the situation.

Now tonight I had stayed up till about 1pm and then went to sleep until about 7pm (I know weird hours right?) but eventually after playing and spending time together I as usual wanted sexy time but instead of verbalizing my needs like an adult and understanding that it might take a moment but my daddy will take care of them when he can and sees fit. I once again took the high road and pouted and while holding all those feelings in I was struck with how familiar this feeling was and was forced to ask myself. Am I doing this to myself? and if so Am I making myself into the victim and even behaving selfishly and possibly risking ruining one of the important parts of a healthy relationship? and so after having that conversation with myself I realized it is possible and so I need to be more aware and adult like with the way I deal with my emotions and such.

I did speak up and I got my orgasms and I was quite happy and wore my daddy's arm out. Ultimately I am glad I have cultivated an inner dialogue and I am also glad to see there are some things about myself I can improve without hurting anyone I love beyond repair before realizing what I am doing that is not fair or caring.

On another note I had open rope today and had even made cupcakes and than everyone canceled and I did not go. I am still very sad about it, I miss rope very much and will have to find someone to tie more often because this is not working for me whatsoever. Plus I will be missing rope next week as well so for the entire month of July I will not have attending a single open rope and that breaks my heart. My very soul longs for the magic of my creativity combined with rope and a willing canvas and the journey we all take as everything falls into place and the world as we know it ceases to exist.

Meet My Stuffie: AnnaBell

 

AnnaBell is very near and dear to my heart and plays a huge role in my world of all things little. 

I will be getting her a ribbon for around her neck soon and I will upload pics then :) 

Update: New Hair Bitches :)

I got my hair cut and colored yesterday and so i am posting this picture for all my reader to see and I will be documenting how it looks as it fades over time as well :)

Meet My Stuffie: Humbert G.F.

This is the beginning of a series that will last a little over a week and will allow my readers to meet and get a few nuggets of info on my stuffies. My stuffies are very important to me they make me feel little, and loved and represent various sides to my personality or moments in my life and/or childhood that meant a lot to me.

Boredom

I got bored and got some cute pics :) 

Here they are ...

Mission -BJ- Complete

This is another daddy themed writing and there will be many more to come so I wont bother to apologize. What's the mission you ask? well to give my daddy a great BJ that ends with him coming and me swallowing. I will start from the beginning....

When me and my fiance got together he had mentioned that he was good at giving head (he is) and also that his ex never returned the favor she apparently was not a fan of BJ's. Now this I did not understand because I have a HUGE oral fixation and BJ's are one of my favorite things to do, period. Anywhere, any place and anytime they are beyond sexy and just so much fun :)

Well I discovered very quickly that my sexy man also took a minute to cum and that I would need some endurance to get him to cum using my mouth which was a challenge I happily accepted. This same challenge applied to hand jobs as well although I mastered those fairly quickly, anyway I am proud to say I successfully aroused and completed a wonderful BJ  for my daddy and he enjoyed it so much I was positively glowing. Now this is literally the highlight of the evening simply because I feel like I ask for so much sexually and never get to return the favor. Also I am on my period and thats a crappy time for me but it has been a while since we have had sexy time and the sounds he makes alone makes the entire experience worth it, although how impressed and happy he was afterwards was additional motivation to do more spontaneous oral surprises :) I also surprised myself, I had honestly not even thought about what if I couldn't make him cum and such I just went for it, I was horny and his cock was hard, it was quite primal and yummy for sure.

I have also while on that vein decided I would like to focus more seriously on my anal training as we still have not gotten me stretched out enough to successfully have anal sex, but I think my better pain tolerance combined with some for thought could make it a reality. I also think that the fact I have such an anal fetish combined with our current dynamic will make for some mind blowing sexy time as well. The though also came to me that if I could take anal then we would be able to have sex while I was on my period as well which is just another benefit of butt fucking.

I also got a new nighty and a new doll (Ever After High) which was nice as well :)

Song for the evening: Selena Gomez - Good for you

I am obsessed with this song, its so sexy her voice is so smoky and enticing :)

YouTube Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp0hWIO8DiU

Enjoy

The Length of a breath

Breathing is a funny thing, you can take short quick breaths or long deep ones or even ones in between but ultimately you must breath. Now there has been a lot of upset in my life and I am hoping against the odds that life is simply tilling the ground to plant new and better things than what grew there before. My life stays in a state of constant flux, and I never feel settled, it is very stressful actually and when I get small thing figured out something else is added to my pile.

I feel like my life has taken a sharp painful breath and is holding it for a second before letting it all out and I feel that there is a direction this is all taking I just hope im taking all the right hints. I am terrified, to be honest so much has changed so quickly and it seems like so many more changes are headed my way I really just want them to be over before some real damage is done and I lose someone I love.

I don't know why but when I find something or someone or something to do that I enjoy I want to remain in that initial moment of enjoyment forever. And so when I can get a large amount of something I enjoy I do and get my fill of what makes me happy usually until I cant stand the sight of it. Its a vicious cycle but a important part of it is having surplus just in case something happens and you cant get anymore, then you will have some stored away just in case something bad happens.

Its crazy I know but its the way I am and how I get over things, sometimes but there are a few things that have stuck around my kink and fiance are the top 2 although there is a few more on the list. I would like for things to become resolved and settled, I don't care how or why just taken care of, everything is almost in limbo and its driving me crazy because I cant do anything but distract myself until something changes.

Why I need someone....

I stumbled across an article while browsing Facebook at 5am in the morning and it was titled "I'm 22, I don't want anyone to be my whole world". The article was outlining how a young 22 year old female wanted to make life changing decisions for herself alone and not have a companion for the entirety of the ride. I definitely respect her right and desicion myself however being 23 and only really having one serious relationship and it being the one I am still in have a diffrent point of view on the subject.

Now I want to begin with some more general observations and start with the most obvious, I know everyone is unique and different and some people are truly happier alone with peace and quite and that is perfectly fine. Now I personally find that when I am feeling alright I love having people around it both lifts me up and allows me the welcome distraction of many opportunity to help them. I have read a lot growing up as a home-schooled pentecostal girl and I focused on reading the classics and ensuring I had a well rounded and classical education. In all the reading I have done and the short life I have lived the only thing that I have ever seen that you can truly leave behind is kindess for both yourself and others. And so with that in mind I try to stay aware of when I can do or be kind to both those I know and love and complete strangers.

My fiance is in my personal opinion one of the best people I know, not because he puts up with me (although that is a feat within its self) but because he is kind, loving, caring and strong, moral and decisive when it truly matters and makes me a better person just by having known him. Now I will happily admit I am biased but that does not make me blind and I see how few people have many of those quality's now a days, generally you see one or two but not that many in one person. Now before I continue on I want to say this is not a long worshipful article about my fiance but an description of the pillar he has been in my life. How through out all of my pivotal moments his companionship and guidance, opinion and strength have allowed me the freedom to make my own choices but the comfort of his experience and knowledge.

I believe with all my heart that if I had been left to my own devices it would have taken me twice as long or possibly never to reach the personal potential I have found within myself through his love and guidance. I rarely see the need to stop giving, and I love to help people but when I am all tapped out who will help me, who will be stronger than myself and gentler too? You know the answer and I do as well, I am a lucky girl and I promise you I do know that and constantly remind myself of my good fortune.

We stared dating young when I was 19 and there is an 13 year age gap as well. I have always been mature for my age and I have a need to mother everyone and rarely get taken care of in return. Now I am not complaining just explaining why this article needed to be written for myself as a ode to my rock and world, just in case for one moment I look away at all the distractions in life and forget how lucky and loved I am. Now it was a quick commitment within 2 month's of dating we were engaged and within 2 weeks of knowing each other we lived together and this did provide us with some interesting things to learn about one another. But knowing more about who we are fundamentally if we had gotten together any other way it wouldn't have been the same level of commitment on both sides that fostered the love and respect it has taken us to get this far.

Plenty of mistakes have been made and life has been lived and  moments treasured and a wonderful foundation for our relationship has emerged after our almost 3 years of hard work. I am at a starting point personally I need to get my mental health figured out and then focus on school but those challenges or any others ones that might surface are made easier by the fact I have someone to share my load and catch me when I fall. He has traversed the journey of school and now only has to find a stable position and then he can get certifications as he pleases. Family wise I have opted to move my parents in with us so I can take care of them better and ensure they have the best quality of life possible. We both want children and are ready whenever it happens and until then we will do our best to love and hold each other until death do us part.

But back to what I was saying, I am 23 and I need someone a very specific someone whom is already a fundamental part of my life & I cant say I know where  I would be without him and I am looking forwards to needing him and him needing me for a long, long time.

Just the way its supposed to be :) (at least for me)

So Fucking Tired - Oregon Ho!

I have been moving for the majority of today and have made real progress, my fiance also spoke to his friend who is beginning the process to purchase the home from us and provide us with a rather large cushion :) I am grateful I really am but moving is tiring and I have been feeling worse than usual lately and had to cancel my birthday celebration which I have been planning for over a month now and its super fucking disappointing.

I will be glad when its over and we are finally moved and settled in. I found out my cat of 12+ years will be put down tomorrow by my mother due to her being ill and not having a decent quality of life and my good friend is also having her dog whom she loves dearly put to sleep as well and so it is a day for mourning and throwing myself into packing rather than celebration and such. I am throwing copious amounts of crap out and will do the majority of the trash moving when my fiance is at work to spare him the burden of knowing just how much perfectly good crap is getting thrown away. I wish we had time and I had the energy to save it all but I dont and I cant afford a storage unit so we are doing the best we can.

Life will go on and things will get better when we leave this god forsaken state and get moved to a better place :)

Oregon here we come :)

Open Rope With Friends

Its been a full day starting with rope and ending with cuddles with my daddy and lots of time with friends between :) Ive had a blast, definitely got out of my comfort zone a little with the predicament bondage practice and I am grateful for the experience I look forwards to tying more under similar circumstances again. I got to tie 2 beautiful ladies and that went exceptionally well and celebrate a good friends birthday. I am looking forwards to some upcoming rope events and just cant get enough rope with friends :)

  

M: DownloadDynamite  -  R &P: TheRopeCharmer

      

  

 

  

The Photographs above are of my predicament bondage tie - M: DownloadDynamite - Time 4:30sec

   

M: SexyLilGingy - R & P: TheRopeCharmer - I loved this tie & it looked very beautiful on the model

I am off to bed and will begin packing again tomorrow :) 

Until then stay Madly Magical :)