Its been a draining day to say the least, I left my safe and comfortable home today to attend my local open rope group. I love rope and I love attending open rope and if there was a way to get straight from my home to open rope that would be fine but alas there is not and the driving and the heat is what takes so much because it makes me feel so suffocated and compressed. Rope went well I tied a beautiful friend of mine who shares my passion for rope for many of the same reason I do and that shared passion makes for very beautiful rope art. I tied a mermaid outfit and she loved it and it turned out quite well despite there being a sad lack of symmetry, I was trying to not drag the tie out to long and be aware of my lovely models time and needs as well as keep my mental state under control it was very rewarding but especially tiring.
My fiance came with me and drove me and that made it a little easier having him there but I was still glad to arrive home and to know I would not have to leave for a good while, A big part of my panic attacks is perceived expectations and pressure and then the depression in between the panic attacks is extraordinarily debilitating. I will be glad when I get my new dyed hemp rope in and I can do more color combos and I enjoyed the tan,teal and purple combo I did today.
We ate after rope and the food was good and then I went to a friends house to get some bamboo he had cut for me to dry and finish the ends for my rope work. When I got home my cat wanted my attention and so I petted him a little and I have a few events coming up soon that I will hopefully be able to leave the house for.
My life right this moment is down to the bare basics, those I love, my rope work and my crazy and thats is my current circle of life.
I am looking forwards to adding more things eventually when I am in a better place and have help with my mental health but until them my only goal is to get by and stay present and in one piece preferably breathing as well.
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